If you’ve been following my channel on Anchor Radio, you know that I’m halfway through my 5 Days of Positivity challenge.
It’s been reflective, eye-opening, emotionally driven, and has provided me with a clarity that is clearer than any of the lenses I’ve looked through in my 38 years of existence. The whole point of this challenge was to break away from the routine, from the comfortability that drives our everyday to-do list. To really take a step back and delve into why we’re the way that we are and why we spend so much time on the negative aspects of life, instead of celebrating the awesome opportunities, moments, and memories that drive us.
The plan for the 5 days was this:
- No negative self-talk
- Find ways to say “yes” more often
- Do something solely to benefit MYSELF and nobody else
The first two days were great! I may have somewhat overdone it on the first day by binge watching “You” on Lifetime, creating a daily journal for myself full of inspirational quotes, and by finishing up two books that were left half read for a few months now (“Girl, wash your face” by Rachel Hollis and “You are a badass” by Jen Sincero), but it was worth it! While I was sticking to the plan, I somehow still found ways to let self doubt crnep into my mind. That’s when I realized that the Toxic Fishermen had his hooks in me and I bit hard.
The Toxic Fishermen show themselves in many different forms:
- Someone who dangles bait that is extremely irresistible
- When the bait fails, he throws a net to encircle you into his trap
- Can come in various forms and just when you thought you were done with him forever, he pops up again trying to entice you back into his net.
There was a recent situation where I allowed myself to get baited, besides my better judgment. He said all of the right things. He was attractive, smart, kind, so I bit the line. Things came to an abrupt halt around my birthday and it was a pain that stung like nothing else. That’s when I realized:
- I wanted to get baited
- I liked the attention
- I was hooked.
I felt terrible. I allowed myself to think that someone really cared about me on a personal level, when really they didn’t care about me at all. Every line about “making time” for each other or “wanting it all” was a lie. I couldn’t believe I bought into that. I couldn’t believe that I entertained the idea of letting someone in, who had no intention of staying. It still hurts when I think about it and I’m still reeling with learning how to forgive myself for playing into the scenario. The one thing that gets me through it is this:
“If they don’t know you personally, don’t take it personal.”
Who I was before this, I will continue to be. My personal journey is not over. Does it hurt to find out that someone was not who they said they were? Absolutely. Have I learned my lesson? Absolutely.